The Death of Feelings
by grathialiana
Summary: Contains latest manga spoilers. The war is over, Obito and Madara are now defeated. It's a story of the whole shinobi world as it tries to rebuild what is left of it and make a new beginning. It's a time of finding new hopes, loves and dreams. How will Kakashi and Sakura find their way to each other amidst all that they've lost? Rated M. I do not own Naruto.
1. Chapter 1

Hi.

This is my first time dabbling in a Sakura/Kakashi pairing. So okay, I'm really not sure where this is going. I just had the idea after I read the latest manga.

Warning: Contains massive spoilers of the manga.

Also, this means I have to make up a reason why Kakashi had to kill Rin, and that's hard. I'm still thinking of a plausible cause.

Rated M for language, and situations.

I do not own Naruto.

**The Death of Feelings**

In the end, when the war was finally over, and Obito Uchiha lay dying on the earthen floor, it was Kakashi who hurt the most. He wanted to weep, because if not for what had happened in his history with the fallen Uchiha who everyone thought was dead, the whole massive war could have avoided.

Well, to say that it could have been avoided was too much an assumption. As long as there were the Senju and Uchiha, forever fighting for dominance in the shinobi world, conflicts such as this would still result, in one form or another.

Kakashi, weakened as he was, crawled to where his once comrade lay. Naruto tried to stop him from going near the enemy but Kakashi did not relent.

Amidst all of the remaining shinobi who stood alive on the battlefield, he crept to Obito, and placed his head on his lap.

Obito's eyes were closed and his breathing was very weak, as if his chest was not moving anymore. But he had a serene expression on his face.

"Obito…" he whispered brokenly. "For all its worth, I'm sorry I let you down. I couldn't protect Rin. I'm sorry."

"Ah, Kakashi…" the Uchiha answered softly. "It wasn't what I would expect you to say. You saying I should die once and for all ought to be more fitting."

Kakashi shook his head, even though Obito would not see the action. "We were team mates. You saved my life in the past. You have always been my hero." At this point hot tears spilled from his eyes. He would have never thought his past would come to haunt him in this grand massive scale.

"You weep, Kakashi? Save it for the people who need it. I told you I do not care anymore of this world. It is still true that in order for someone to become a winner, someone needs to be a loser. In this case, I lost."

Obito was really getting weaker by each moment. Kakashi felt that and took one of his hands on his own and gripped it with such force that Obito had to smile wryly. "In retrospect, Kakashi, it wasn't wholly you that made me go on with the Infinite Tsukuyomi. I want to do everyone a favor. Like that orange haired jinchurikii over there who kept on blabbering how he wants to be Hokage. He would have been, in my perfect genjutsu. Rin would have been alive. No one will ever mourn a loved one in death. It will be a world full of winners, no losers."

Kakashi did not want to spend the time arguing with him, especially on the last seconds of his life. "Save your breath, my friend."

"I am not of this world anymore, Kakashi. And if I would be given a third life I would do better in succeeding where I failed. I would create a perfect realm. For everyone. I will never forgive you for what you did, letting Rin die. And if there is an afterlife, when I see you I will not hesitate to kill you. If that is even possible."

"Then live, Obito. Live so that you may get stronger and kill me," the white haired Jounin implored, gripping his hand almost painfully.

"It is my time." Obito gasped and choked out blood. "Farewell, Kakashi. We still have a settle to score in the afterworld."

And with that last statement, the evil Uchiha passed away.

It was eerily quiet in the battlefield, as if they acknowledged that even if Obito Uchiha was the enemy, the perpetrator of this war, they wanted to recognize him as a fellow shinobi who died in battle and who still deserved to be mourned.

Kakashi lifted the lifeless body and held it to him, as tightly as his weak arms could allow.

Naruto looked on, bowing his head.

No, it was not true that in order to have winners there had to be losers. It was only a matter of choosing what was right and what was wrong that held the difference.

Obito Uchiha obviously chose the wrong path. He had his principles and ideals, but it was still a path not worth taking.

Konoha, and the rest of the world would have to move on and choose the right path from here on. It was the only choice.

Sakura Haruno fell down on her knees, glad that the fighting was over, glad that they could all go and make a new beginning.

….

So. That was just an introduction.

I'll introduce the love story angle on the next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2 - The aftermath

Hi. Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate this. I just can't take the suspense of the manga anymore!

I do not own Naruto.

I wish I did, so that I wouldn't make all the other characters die, especially Neji. I cried like an idiot over that one. :c

I hope the end would be that Naruto would be able to change Obito's mind like he did with Nagato's and that Obito will also use the same Rinnegan technique to bring the dead back to life. I very much hope so. I don't want to cry every time I read a new chapter of the manga. :c

**Chapter 2 – The aftermath**

Beneath the mountainous rubble lay the strength of all the heroes who fell during the war. Hope was fleeting, almost intangible but one could still grasp at it, as one would expect to grasp a trickle of water from a fountain which was almost running out of the liquid.

It was still there, elusive, but nonetheless, existent.

You would just have to be a strong shinobi to be able to amplify it.

During the first few days after the Shinobi war, countless tents and makeshift shelters were set up to house the wounded, the ones who went crazy from despair, and the ones who were dying. Even the five Kages were all in bad shape, considering Madara left them for dead during their confrontation.

Katsuyu, the faithful slug of Tsunade was able to give first aid to her Hokage and to the other four Kages as well so no one had died completely. But they were knocked out pretty bad and waking up to be like vegetables for a few months would definitely be a possibility.

It was still too soon to elect a new Hokage, as Tsunade was still alive, and she had said she wouldn't relinquish her post. Konoha didn't want her to step down in any case. They needed her at this time. But because she was in a coma, someone still had to take charge for the meantime.

So far, because of the utter chaos, not one of the five countries was in a hurry to go back to their politics. That could wait.

Sakura moved back from the latest patient she was tending to. She couldn't count how many she had patched up, and operated on. If she had to touch another broken bone or another dislocated rib cage one more time she feared she would scream in pain herself. It was just too much. Blood never seemed to stop pouring, agonized cries everywhere.

She looked around and found all of the other medic-nin from all the other countries tending to the wounded as well. She gained strength, no matter how tired and sleepless she was, that they were all working together to build a new future.

She was just happy that most of her friends came out alive, well, except for Hyuuga Neji, who died while protecting Naruto. His sacrifice had not been in vain.

Every one close to her seemed up and about. Lee, Kiba, Ino, Hinata and the others seemed to be doing okay. Naruto, being Naruto, was back to his usual jovial self, entertaining the patients with his antics. Everyone was in awe of the boy. He was truly the one who was sent to save the shinobi world from destruction. He was pretty amazing, too. He and Kurama seemed to be close buddies now and Naruto could make the fox do some of the things he wanted him to do, without the Kyuubi threatening to dismember him.

Like sharing a few chakra drops to those who really needed them. Sakura was very thankful to Naruto for sharing the Kyuubi's chakra to the ones whose chakra was almost depleted. The boy wonder also knew exactly how much to share so that the vile energy actually heal the person and not corrupt him. Which was to say that the Kyuubi's power was totally vast that if you were given a few ounces too much, you could die from it.

That was saying how amazing Naruto was to be able to handle Kurama, tails and all.

Sakura smiled as she watched Naruto from afar, their future Hokage. "Arigatou gozaimasu, Naruto!" she whispered to the breeze.

She proceeded to move to another patient, when she caught sight of another one sitting on a corner. She sighed. Her former sensei and team captain had always been quiet like that, during the few days that he was recuperating from his wounds. Kakashi Hatake was not a man of words to be sure but lately he made no effort to hide how much he wanted to be left alone. He refused all the aid of the medic-nins who tried to check him up and threatened to walk out of the tents if they continued to poke him with their medical tools.

Sakura sat beside the patient who needed her attention and prepared the procedure that needed to be done. Her hands worked adeptly, as if she was doing this all her life, and not just for the past year or so. At sixteen, she was still just a novice.

He eyes kept on drifting towards the silent brooding Ninja, who was not wearing his forehead protector over his left eye. His mask still concealed the lower half his face. Although she did not know the full story of Kakashi, Obito and the one they called Rin, as most missions were confidential like that, she knew it had to be big, considering that her former sensei never really got lost in thought like this. Never looked this dismal.

She thought he would be one of those who would join Naruto in pestering the others. Kakashi, as serious as he was at times, could still be easygoing and funny. She knew of course since he was her teacher when she was a genin at twelve.

So it had been four years. Four years after she graduated to be a Chuunin. When she thought about it, they never really had said much in those years.

During her inauguration he simply ruffled her hair cheerfully and said "Omedeto." Like it was never mind boggling that she, Haruno Sakura, forever weak and talentless, would rise up the shinobi ladder at such a young age. Well, it was normally the age when one became Chuunin, but still.

Kakashi showed her that he had never lost faith in her that she would become a strong kunoichi all by her rights. But after that he had not spoken to her much.

He was a great mentor, well, not really that patient though as if he expected them to learn on their own, from his examples other than elaborating on his examples. He had been annoying at times, but he was a good man. Behind that mask.

She knew he had swatted away a few nurses who tried to get close to him, saying others needed their help more than he did. But in spite of that, when she left the bed of her patient, she found her legs gradually walking towards his direction on the far corner.

Sure he had been her teacher but it seemed like a long time ago. Missions always demanded his time so he was seldom in Konoha for anything, not her birthday, or anyone else's birthday for that matter. He simply came and went.

What if he swatted her away too? Naaah, with that insane strength of hers, she was sure she could persuade him to stay still as she did her routinary checkups.

Kakashi seemed to sense her presence, amidst all the noise. He tensed and turned away, obscuring his face even more.

"Kakashi-sensei."

Without looking at her, he raised up a hand. "I'm fine. Go tend to the others."

"I've seen to most of them. All that's left is you." She made her tone chirpy, as chirpy as someone could get after she survived a bloody war.

He snorted behind his mask.

She knelt beside him and took out her medical tools. "I just want to know if everything is okay, sensei."

Sitting back with a resigned look on his face, his shoulders relaxed, his face still turned away but for a moment his eyes glanced at her. "I don't want you opening my shirt."

"Fine," she grunted. In quick minutes she inspected him, even checked to see his left Sharingan. During the entire ordeal Kakashi sat unmoving, looking anywhere but her, his mind seemed to be drifting somewhere else. Sakura noticed this but did not make any comment.

At last she moved away from him. "Well, you've suffered some minor fractures and broken bones that –"

"… that I assure you would all heal nicely, in time. I'm okay, Sakura. The other medics have tended to me on the first day. They fixed some of the broken bones. I just need to rest, is all."

Sakura bit her lip uncertainly. "Does it hurt anywhere? I still have some chakra remaining and I can numb some of the pain…"

Kakshi shook his head vigorously. "You look dead on your feet. You're the one who needs to rest."

She smiled, knowing they could argue for days and still he would come out the winner. He was like that, easygoing but resolute when it came to things he knew was right. "My shift is still not done for another hour. After that I'll try to see if I can get some sleep. It's not particularly easy if you're trying to get some while sitting down beside a screeching patient."

"I reckon it's easy. I sleep while sitting down most of the time," he said.

"Good for you, then." She stood, taking away all her tools with her. "I wonder why you did not push me away, sensei. I was half afraid you were going to whack my butt like what you did when I was twelve."

"Did I do something like that?" he asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, just once. I believe all three of us got equal beatings."

Kakashi showed a little smile for a moment. "Well, if I did that then that means I needed to, at that time. And I didn't push you away because - because-" He paused for a moment, not really knowing what to say. "That's not how you treat an old student. A favorite student."

Then his grin got wider. He was back to being his jolly self, easy going, and cracking up jokes. Sakura was happy to see him smiling. "Favorite eh? That's so sweet, sensei."

"Now off with you, and leave this man in peace," he huffed, feigning annoyance.

She nodded in acknowledgement, and walked away.

Kakashi watched her as she left, the smile disappearing. The dark look was back on his face. He sat straight and cradled his still pounding head on his hands, angry at himself because he was alive when all the other people that he loved were dead.

….

There. Quite short. Hope you guys like it. Ja ne!


	3. Chapter 3 Interim

Thanks for following my story. Means so much to me.

**Chapter 3 Interim **

Mercifully, the days dragged on to weeks without any major problems on the part of those shinobi who recuperated. Recovery was slow, but sure. Those who could go back to their own villages began to start on their journey back home.

With the countless bodies that perished, they all had to be buried where the great ninja war had had taken place. Innumerable gravestones protruded from the earth, lining the field symmetrically. Visitors of those gravestones trickled like sand on the beach. People never stopped mourning, and crying over their loved ones.

Hinata would often be seen in front of Neji's headstone, offering a prayer or two. And continuously, Naruto would be behind her, patting her back.

Kakashi kept brooding, most of the time up on a tree somewhere, since walking on trees was probably one of the simplest techniques that he could do better than sleeping.

Yamato, or Tenzou to his ANBU comrades, once again put his talent to good use as he led the first group to get back to Konoha and fix whatever there was that needed to be fixed. He used his Mokuton jutsu to create wooden cottages to provide shelters for the poor civilians caught up in the war, those who had lost their homes.

Slowly, life was going back to normal. Those men who were able helped build more houses in Konoha. The number of patients and makeshift shelters seemed to dwindle on each passing day. Everyone was getting back on track.

All of them knew there wasn't much to go back to. But you gotta start from somewhere sometimes, right?

One breezy day, as Kakashi sat unmoving on his tree, just staring at the sky and not reading his infamous Icha Icha series, a group of elders approached him. Konoha elders.

Even from a distance, before they got even closer, Kakashi knew what they wanted. He could say he had been expecting this one way or another. His hitae-ate had been sitting idly beside him and when he saw them approaching he put it back on his head to cover his Sharingan. His mask had never left his face.

"Hatake!" one elder called out to him from below.

For a man whose bones had badly been broken, he made jumping from a tall tree seem to look like a walk in the park, did not flinch as his feet landed on the ground. Hands in his pocket, and a bored expression on his face, Kakashi nodded to them in acknowledgment. "Yo."

The woman elder said, "Greetings, Hatake. We know everyone has been through a lot, and we will not mince words. We don't want to keep you."

She was barely able to continue when Kakashi said, "With all due respect, is there no one else you can come to, to be Hokage?"

The woman sighed. He had never lost his insight before things even began. "You're the best choice."

"Not the best, but the only choice, at this time," another elder piped up. "Shikaku and the others- their death- Kakashi, there is no one more grateful than the village for all of you risking your lives to save it. And now that it is relatively safe, we need to make sure that someone will again lead us."

Kakashi's face still bore no emotion, as he was staring into space, his right eye half closed. "How long?"

"Until Tsunade-sama can get back to her office. It may take three, four months at the most. This will just be temporary. We need to have an official name on our seals as we submit the reports to the Shinobi Alliance. There are also a lot to pick up on, like our current trading system. Because of the war, businesses and trade exchanges have crashed down dramatically, and if we cannot help each other get everything back up again, our village will hunger."

Kakashi knew this was of utmost importance and no matter how he hated clerical work and sitting behind a desk all day, he knew he had to do this for the village.

He shrugged, his lone eye looking elsewhere. "Just give me a damn good assistant."

"At the moment Shizune is also indisposed. The only other one we can think of who knows a lot about the Hokage's schedules, timetables and programs is Haruno Sakura. But she's a medical nin here and may not be able to get back to Konoha right away. We may have to appoint you a different assistant." They rattled off names of people that Kakashi did not recognize.

The white haired Jounin replied, "I'm familiar with Sakura. She knows how I work, and my… err… behaviors as well. I will be new to this job and have little knowledge of what goes on with it. I would appreciate it if I will be able to work with someone I know completely."

"Alright. Since most of the wounded here are recuperating nicely, they can make do without Sakura," one of the elders agreed.

"How soon will I start?" Kakashi asked nonchalantly, as if the task of being the highest ranking official in Konoha was as common as cleaning the toilet. Frankly being assigned to teach in the Ninja Academy years ago produced more emotions from him.

"As soon as you can. And I have to speak to Sakura," the woman elder replied.

To which Kakashi said, "Nah. I'll do it. I'll see you around." With a wave he walked away from the group who appeared to be stunned. No one just walked out like that from the elders. No one would dare dismiss them like he did.

But oh well, Kakashi was Hokage now. Temporary or not.

…

Sakura was busy accounting for the medicines they needed replenished. Their resources were thinning down but she couldn't help but feel satisfied that more and more patients were looking good and going home. She might be able to go home, too in a month or so.

A soft movement startled her and she looked up, seeing Kakashi's sleepy right eye. "Sensei, how are you?"

He wasted no time explaining. "Pack up, Sakura."

"Huh?"

"You're coming with me."

She stood and scratched her cheek in thought. "Where are we going, sensei?"

"Home. You are to work under me."

She still looked puzzled. "Work under you?"

"Yes, under me. Can you think of a job that requires you to be beneath me?" He had the gall to wink at her..

She looked annoyed. "What the heck are you saying? I'm quite busy for your perverted innuendos."

At her angry expression Kakashi snickered. At sixteen not much had changed about how her face crumpled when she got mad. She still looked very much like the little genin he used to have a hard time teaching. "Come on. You are to be my Shizune."

Sakura had always been a perceptive girl and the thought was not lost on her. Gaping, her emerald eyes went wide. "Y-you? You mean you are now-"

He clucked his tongue. "Didn't ask for it. If I could only disappear somewhere that's the first thing I'd do."

It took a few more moment for the disbelief to leave Sakura's face and when she was able to fully understand what was going on, she cracked up, putting her hand on her mouth to muffle her laughter.

Kakashi frowned at her. Definitely not what he expected her reaction would be.

"Oh, sensei. You're the world's saddest excuse for a Hokage, do you know that?" she cackled.

"I am not!" he huffed, feigning affront. Then he joined in her laughter. It had been so long since he had let go like this.

That was why he wanted to work with someone he was comfortable with, like his former student Sakura. He could say the stupidest things and she would just brush them off. She could give him work tips that he was sure he would not follow and she would not be that insulted.

Being Hokage would definitely be an unknown territory to him but as long as he had a comrade, or rather a friend who could guide him through it, he knew it would be okay.

"When are we leaving, Kakashi-sensei?"

He couldn't help but be pleased with her. Gone was the girl who used to cry and mope when given a challenge she deemed would be too much for her. Now, she just accepted things thrown her way without so much as batting an eyelash. Didn't even ask for the specifics of her new job. He figured she must know what it was to be a Hokage's assistant, based from observing Shizune.

Kakashi knew he was indeed a sad excuse for a Hokage and even sadder as a sensei to Team 7. He just wasn't the teaching sort of guy. But he still felt proud to know that this strong dependable kunoichi had once been under his tutelage.

He reached out and ruffled the top of her head as if she was still twelve years old. "Are you fit to travel?"

"I should be asking you that," she said, not minding the hair ruffling. "How are your injuries?"

"And have you gotten some sleep? With my broken bones I don't want to carry you all over to Konoha if you fell asleep travelling." He lowered his hand, not answering her question directly.

She pouted. "Ah, sensei. You still say the weirdest things. Okay, let me grab my pack, and say goodbye to the medical team."

He nodded and let her do the things she needed to.

He sighed, and placed a hand at the back of his weary shoulder. How he was able to smile and hide his misery these days he didn't have a clue. This new beginning that they were trying to start, would it really be any different than the past histories that unfolded before them?

Would they really be able to attain peace from now on?

Sadly, he had no answers.

…..

Datte bayo!

Hope you liked it! Thank you for reading my stuff!


	4. Chapter 4 Hokage

Hi guys, I really appreciate that you're following my story. The rating is M because there is going to be a lemon but I'm not the type of author who just jumps to that particular scene to spice things up.

As you have noticed on my other stories or the other multi chapter story at least **(A Broken Curse**), I like character building so much. So I'm sorry if the lemon becomes too long in coming; please bear with me okay? I like tension. So thick that you can stab it with a kunai. :-D

So. Also, I'm trying to make the scenes come out as serious and humorous at the same time. If I'm being corny, gomen nasai… onegai…

Love you guys!

**Chapter 4 Hokage**

The Hokage tower, being as it was almost destroyed completely during the battle with Pain, had to be reconstructed. It did not stand as tall as it previously did, but so far, the renovations were done in good taste. The floors had been designed in a more advanced kind of sense, but the main office that the leader would occupy looked pretty much the same.

Kakashi dumped his knapsack on the table, looking out at the mountain his large windows faced, where the five faces of the past and still remaining Hokage were carved. Kakashi muttered to himself that he didn't want to see himself there, in any way, especially if they asked for the appearance of his countenance without his mask. Definitely not. He might as well have paraded himself naked on the street.

Nope, no can do. No face on that mountain. Only Naruto dreamed of crazy shit like that.

So, this was going to be his office for the next three months or so. It was pretty spacious, for someone like him who had been living in a tiny apartment with a broken light. The wooden walls were new, freshly painted. Everything looked squeaky clean, and in order.

As opposed to his raging emotions.

He knew this was coming. It was not the first time the elders had approached him to become Hokage. So he knew that once the war was over they would approach him again. He was the most suitable candidate.

But at the back of his head he terribly wished they wouldn't. He didn't know if he could calm his mind long enough to speak to high dignitaries that he knew would be visiting often, all the more make the correct decisions regarding the Leaf's trades and industries.

What he really needed was to get away. He needed to get out of Konoha. Where to, he himself didn't know. It was just so hard to accept that after all these years that he had placed Obito in a pedestal inside his mind, the said Uchiha was cultivating hatred and anarchy amongst different clans. And he had also been the one to set out the Kyuubi to Konoha sixteen years ago, in which the Fourth Hokage Minato Namikaze and even his wife Kushina sacrificed their lives to contain the nine tailed monster.

It all boiled down to what happened with Rin. No matter how Kakashi hid, and fought his nightmares, it would always be about what he did that day: killing Rin in order to carry out his mission. He, whose very own father, the White Fang was scorned because of doing otherwise.

Kakashi fell on the chair behind the big oak desk, tracing the smooth surface with his gloved hand. No matter what option he chose, whether he chose to save his comrades, like what his father did, or kill those comrades in order to protect the village, a negative reaction would still ensue. He didn't know what he would do anymore. Kill or be killed. It all didn't hold that much of a difference anyway.

At least if he died it would all be peaceful.

Visions of Rin's face as he killed her would not haunt his dreams any longer.

And he and Obito would be on the same ground.

He was in the middle of his dark thoughts when Sakura came in, unannounced, carrying a red and white robe which looked like the one the Third used to wear, with the matching hat of course.

Kakashi grumbled to himself that he would definitely not wear that costume.

"Tsunade-sama has not worn this since her inauguration, so I'm going to have it laundered for yours."

He dismissed her with a hand. "The robe I can suffer. But no hat."

Sakura's forehead wrinkled, then she sighed resolutely, as if she made up her mind to accept that from now on it would be a never ending clash between her opinion and Kakashi's. Hey, it was not every day you got to argue with your former teacher-turned-ruler, and Sakura felt she needed to be ready.

"I don't mean to be rude, Ho-ka-ge-sama," she said, sounding condescending, "It has to be the whole shebang. It's your induction."

Kakashi propped himself on his elbow and looked elsewhere. He was grumbling again. When had Sakura become this domineering? Why she used to be a little girl who chased Sasuke around like there was no tomorrow. How could she sound so – so adult like? Especially with that scary voice of hers.

"And oh, yeah, sensei," she slipped back into her sweet voice, "No mask."

He gave her a scathing glare, one that would have crumbled a lesser man to the ground. But Sakura merely lifted her chin and made a motion of removing an invisible mask from there. "No mask, okay? The elders already gave me a rundown of the ceremony. The Daimyo will be there. So, you can't wear that."

Kakashi was not, by nature, a man given to complaints whenever he didn't like what was happening around him. He usually sucked it up and moved on. But this time he couldn't help but get really pissed.

First they took away his freedom by caging him in this… this clerical dungeon, and second he would have to show his uncovered face to a crowd of people. What difference would it make if they saw him with or without a mask? Everyone knew him anyway.

Sakura was a sensitive girl, and she was privy to the fact that her former sensei felt naked and vulnerable without his face mask on, so she knew what the glare was for. Although she didn't know why he was too touchy about that, she shared a deep bond of friendship with him to know how uncomfortable he was feeling.

She walked towards his desk and put a hand on her hip, as if she was a bossy mother who was going to order her kid to clean the room. "Sensei, the formal speech you will be giving, it'll only last for five minutes or so. After that you can put it back on. This is really important."

He looked down at his gloved hand, the blackness of the glove's fabric in stark contrast to the light shade of the desk. "I – I have no choice, haven't I?"

"Most of us don't, Kakashi-sensei."

Her voice was soft. He looked up to find her smiling apologetically at him. He sighed and looked away again, the same bored expression on his face. "You said speech. Do I have to write some stuff? I'm not sure if I can memorize everything on my head."

She answered cheerfully, "It's okay. I'll be the one to write your speech. I know what needs to be said. Do you trust me on that?"

This time he looked at her with something close to awe on his face. "Impressive. Yes, of course. Did Shizune use to be this attentive to Tsunade-sama's needs before? You seem to have thought of everything." And indeed, he felt a mix of pride and adoration towards her. He definitely got a damn good assistant.

Sakura smiled a heartfelt one. "No, Kakashi-sensei. But I know you need it. This is not something you have an interest in doing. You are a prodigy, as a shinobi but I know you need my help dealing with your new job. I promise to help you out the best way I can, okay? Anyway…" She paused as she moved towards the door. "Naruto and some of the others are asking if you're free tonight."

"Hm?"

"Uhhh, this'll be the first time we will have a get together after the war. And tomorrow is your inauguration. Maybe you would – like to join us?"

He thought for a moment. Yeah, why not? One more night before he went to become the ruler of the village, whose time would be fully occupied inhabiting this office. He knew getting out for simple dinner with friends would be totally improbable.

"I'll be coming."

She flashed him a wide grin. "See you tonight, then. Seven pm. Ichiraku's. And please, Hokage-sama, try not to be late, okay?"

With that Sakura left the room, leaving him alone in his thoughts once more.

This was all a big joke, laughing with the kids he used to teach, and laughing louder with the village people he had sworn to protect with his life.

Only to be the reason why it had been annihilated in the first place.

Kakashi growled low in his throat. He didn't like this. He felt suffocated. He wanted to leave and go someplace where he could smash things and no one would hate him for it.

This was all a big charade – him, son of a disgraced ninja, killer of a team mate, hated by Obito, and now appointed Hokage. It would just be a matter of time before this act crumbled to pieces.

…

Sakura closed the door quietly, gripping the bundle of cloth tighter in her arms. No doubt her former sensei would get back to staring at nothingness as soon once she left the room. He had been like that since the war. If he had been an aloof person before, now he seemed as if he was always in another place and time, oblivious to the world.

He was her former sensei. She learned the basics of how to be a shinobi from him. Gratefulness was not enough of a word to encompass how she felt. He had placed his life for her and Konoha countless times. And he would not hesitate to do it over and over again.

But then. Did he merely live his life only to lay it on the line for those who needed it? Did he not truly want to experience the true joy of living? Ever since the war his eyes had never shown true emotions, as if he was a soulless body who deceived the world by appearing as normal as the whole lot of them.

He just looked so sad. Smiling, but it never quite reached his eye.

Sakura stepped away from the door and stared at it, knowing the man on the other side appreciated the stillness of his surroundings.

Aah, but she was Haruno Sakura. Not only was she a medical-nin. She was also a friend. And she would do all her best to help him throughout his most troubled times.

….

There.

Phase is kinda slow eh?

Kinda angsty too. I've been listening to **A thousand years** by Christina Perri the whole time I was writing this and the music just got into me. Sorry for being such an emo. :-P


	5. Chapter 5 Painful Awareness

Hi guys.

Thanks for following.

**Chapter 5 Painful Awareness**

Kakashi tried his damn best to keep his hands to his side as a couple of helpers fussed over his clothing. He gritted his teeth behind his mask, face stoic in a mask of utter calm. What a waste of time. His being an Interim wouldn't even last for more than a couple of months or so, why did they still need to have this kind of elaborate induction?

"There, there, Hokage-sama. It fits perfectly," one helper gushed as she gave him a once over. The other one nodded in agreement.

Kakashi shrugged indifferently, catching a glimpse of the long regal white and red robe in the mirror, as it almost touched the floor. It brought a lot of memories to him: the Third Hokage wearing it as he always met him on the hallways of the tower; and Minato-sensei. The Fourth wore a robe similar to this although he had it cut to better fit him as he moved around.

This robe was a legacy.

"Ne, ne, Kakashi-sensei. Looks good on you," Sakura beamed from the door, as she held the wide hat.

He grunted in response.

The two helpers left the room, while still casting him admiring glances.

His Sharingan was uncovered, so both his eyes showed. The scar on his left eye would be naked to everyone's scrutiny, but he did not seem to mind. At least, just for this day.

He still wore his mask since it had always been an extension of any black shirt he was wearing. It was in stark contrast to the pristine whiteness of his Hokage garment, which made it stand out all the more. He despised lectures, and knew Sakura would give him another one if he did not do away with his facial covering so with a sigh, in a defeated gesture, he made a motion of removing it.

Sakura saw what he was going to do and said, "Would you prefer it if you remove it when you give your speech? You don't have to do it right now."

He stilled for a second then his hand dropped. "How very considerate of you," he muttered drily.

She held out the hat, smiling cheekily. "But this you gotta wear. And now, please."

Wordlessly he took the offending material and carefully placed it on his head, hiding his silver locks. He made a facial expression towards her that clearly implied – _there, are you satisfied, now?_

She nodded, getting his meaning. She inspected him from head to toe. When she found a bit of ruffle on the chest part, she stepped in front of him and laid her hands to iron them out.

Sakura was a head shorter than Kakashi, so it was very easy for her to reach his chest. Her hands moved in quick movements to remove the knot. But after a few seconds of removing the ruffle which seemed to be really an _imaginary_ one, she gave up the fight, stilling her hands.

Kakashi was who he was, a skillful Jounin, her former teacher, but now he would be a leader of a proud village who was slowly recovering from destruction. If that didn't depict how strong of a male he was she didn't know what could. Just being surrounded by his presence soothed the anxieties wreaking havoc inside her.

In that split second she understood how heavy the weight was that was suddenly thrown on his shoulders, considering he was in the middle of recovering from his injuries as well.

Konoha needed someone right now. Someone who would carry the weight of all the damages the war had done. Was it fair for someone as young as him to lead a village which was in the brink of collapsing? He was only thirty years old, and had never even held any position in an office. He led troops, yes, but not an entire population of battle scarred and weary civilians.

Slowly, Sakura laid her forehead on his chest as layers of fabric separated their skin. Kakashi, startled, pulled back, but not enough to get away from her. He had just been surprised by the gesture. Her hands were still flat on the front of his robe as well.

"Sakura?" he said softly.

"All this time, in those tents we occupied after the war, I let exhaustion numb me, to the point that my mind refused to acknowledge what had really happened. But now. Now that we are home. The friends we have lost…" To her horror, she found that her voice had broken.

Highly embarrassed, she moved away from him, blinking away the smallest of tears that appeared at the corners of her eyes. "Sumimasen, Hokage-sama." She bowed reverently.

Kakashi was taken aback by the formality. Then he recovered and snorted, in the usual fashion. "Just call me by my name, will you? Nothing changed."

"Yes, there has. You are my ruler now."

"Naah. Makes me feel really old. We're almost equals now, since we both have served during the war." He gave her a slight tilt of his head.

She thought about what he said. But no, they could never be equals. "No, that can't be. You will always be my teacher. It'll never change, Hokage-sama."

"Then just call me sensei," he answered back.

A small smile played on her lips. Then she turned around and walked to the door. "Let's go, Kakashi-sensei. They're waiting."

"Hai."

It was a long walk towards the podium where he would deliver his speech in front of the village people. Kakashi couldn't still shake the unfamiliar feeling of uneasiness off of him, as he wore this Hokage robe. He couldn't believe that finally he would really be facing the people of Konoha as a leader.

He glanced at Sakura, who was walking in front of him. He had not really been given a chance to study her attire, given the hurried state that they were in but now that he could covertly watch her, he sure appreciated what he saw.

The way her hips sashayed told him she did not walk like a clumsy girl would, but not yet as a woman who would use her allure on a male who happened to catch her fancy. Not anymore a girl, but not yet a woman, so she was stuck in between.

She was wearing a pink yukata with floral designs, pinker cherry blossoms which she got her name from. It was tied by a white obi. Something about her attire gave the impression that the one wearing it was a very feminine lady, except that if you looked lower, you would know right away that it was still shinobi apparel. The yukata fell very short, in the middle of her thighs – _creamy white thighs_ –

Those shinobi legs. Long, lean, soft, hard, strong, feminine…

How would it look like if he placed one of those legs over his shoulder and…

_What the fuck?_

Kakashi shook his head, clearing away the disrespectful image in his head. Aah. It had been a while. A long while. Normally after a battle well fought that he had to have thought was going to be his last, as adrenaline pumped through him, it was only normal for a man to want to expel those fierce emotions of bloodlust through another kind of outlet. A different kind of lust.

During younger days Kakashi had experienced it first hand, that after missions where he or a female nin comrade narrowly escaped death, that after knowing the other one was safe, it was easy to give in to a sexual pull so strong he often had his way with a fellow female shinobi in the roughest manner possible. Sex was always almost wild, animalistic in nature, as it was a clear validation that they were alive. And that they had to grasp that reaffirmation.

After a while, Kakashi avoided, at all times to be paired with a woman. Because it was getting harder and harder to walk away. And those kinds of ties were the ones that he avoided. He couldn't let another Rin get into his heart.

Then kill her with his own hands afterwards.

But it had been years since he had bedded a woman. A delightful hot blooded one. And it was taking its toll on him.

After the long and bloody battle with the Uchihas, Kakashi had never thought of anything else apart from his sad history with Obito and Rin, did not have any space in his mind to dwell on his sexual urge. But now, it quietly seeped into his mind like rust to a metal. It pervaded, until he could almost taste a woman's hot skin under his tongue.

He wanted to kill himself.

Here he was, about to be inducted as the next Interim Hokage and he was having carnal fantasies about an ex-student. He had to let these suppressed impulses out. However now that he would be the ruler, he couldn't be as uninhibited as he wanted to be with his lust, and slake it with the first woman who agreed. He must display proper decorum at all times.

What tragedy.

He sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat.

Sakura looked over her shoulder and stopped herself from giggling. Even under the mask she could see how agitated he looked. He must be really nervous about his speech, although she had made him read it several times earlier. And he would still be provided a copy of it once he ascended the podium.

Kakashi really looked good, hat and all. It amplified the dignified persona he always carried within him. Tall, wide shouldered, lean, and strong, he was a perfect image of a man in his prime. She couldn't help but smile to herself. Any woman would be happy to have Kakashi in her life. Maybe after this, after his stint being an Interim, as Konoha moved on, he would do the same.

It was high time he got a wife. Why, he was already thirty years old. In the shinobi world, where life expectancy was quite low, it could be deemed that he was too _old_ to be a bachelor.

As she looked at him, she couldn't help but admire his look. With both eyes exposed, even with that ridiculous mask of his, he was like a normal good looking guy, in a sensual kind of way. There was a raw sense of masculinity and strength woven around him that could charm any female who happened to get close enough to know him.

His presence alone evoked passions from her. Passion to live and work harder to build a better, stronger Konoha. Passion to see that all their friends were protected, and even when she couldn't protect them, then to do her damn best to treasure their memories.

Finally they reached the entrance towards the stage where the Daimyo, surrounded by his assistants, was giving his speech. They hid behind the curtains.

"Anytime now," Sakura reminded Kakashi.

He shrugged, looking away.

Sakura spoke to one of the helpers lurking around and took a piece of paper from him. She walked over to Kakashi and handed it to him. "In case you forget the words."

"Aa."

The Daimyo, outside, called Kakashi's name.

He straightened his posture, gripped his speech tightly and was about to walk out towards the crowd when Sakura silkily maneuvered to step in front of him and with slow movement, gently pulled the mask down from his face.

At the fleeting touch of her fingers on his cheek, Kakashi sucked in a sharp breath. It was very seldom that someone touched that particular part of his anatomy. He wanted to swat her hand away but couldn't. Her boldness both surprised him and fueled something strange in him that he had not felt in ages. A lust so strong it was making his blood boil.

He tried his best to rein it in and keep calm. Sakura must not sense anything amiss with him.

Sakura had always wanted to see how her sensei's face looked like behind the mask, and being his assistant and sort of advisor as well, she wouldn't pass up the chance to personally remove it. Whether he liked it or not. She slid down the soft material from his face.

He was scowling at her, lips thinned down to angry lines.

But even so, it looked like the most charming scowl in the world.

Sakura felt cheery when at last she was gazing at her sensei's whole countenance. What she, Naruto and even Sasuke had imagined in the past as Kakashi having plump lips or buck teeth all went down the drain.

Sakura had seen men more handsome than Kakashi, but something about that narrow jaw line that he had spoke of sleek beauty that she honestly did not expect to find in him. His face was very smooth, devoid of any facial hair. His nose was a straight one, a shape so regal she wondered why he had to hide all of this.

Her eyes traveled down to where his lips were, curved slightly at the corner. His lips were not too thin, but not too plump either. They were just the perfect shape to compliment the whole image of his face.

She stepped back a little to gaze at him. Her fingers slowly trailed down to his neck, where the material had bunched up.

Kakashi grinned all of a sudden, that boyish smile lighting up his face in ways that made Sakura's stomach flutter. He really was beautiful.

"Like what you see?" he asked.

"I don't know why you hide your face, sensei."

"Pfft," he replied. Gently, as if was touching a butterfly by the wings, he held her wrists, with the intent of removing them from his neck.

Her skin was soft, smooth, so hot to his touch that he felt an inner electricity shoot down his body towards his loins. He jerked, as if burnt, and moved away from her.

_Damnit!_ This was really getting into him. Years without a woman to quench the most basic of his needs and here he was, getting aroused by a slight touch from a slip of a girl who used to be his student.

_Get a fucking grip, bakero!_

Sakura seemed dazed as well. There was a stunned look on her face as she gazed up at him with something that was close to adoration.

Someone cleared his throat.

One helper said, "Hokage-sama, the Daimyo has called for you."

Kakashi snapped out of his musings, dropped her wrists and hastily walked towards the podium.

Sakura ran after him, lingering by the curtains. There were a lot of people outside, and all of them were looking at the Interim Hokage as he walked towards the platform where he would deliver his speech. Buzzing whispers went around.

The men looked disbelieving, shaking their heads and muttering inaudibly. It was the women's reaction that was quite amusing. Define love-struck giggling to the point of keeling over. Even Naruto and the rest of the gang were flabbergasted to see Kakashi's face for the first time without his mask on.

"Kakashi-sensei!' the Jinchuuriki cried out. "You don't have buck teeth?! Is that really you?"

Kakashi gave him an embarrassed smile, waving his hand.

When he reached the podium, he stared at the multitude of people in front of him. He had rehearsed his speech over and over in his head but now that he was actually before them, he found that he could not get a single word out. The moment seemed too surreal.

But.

He had a speech to deliver, and so he would.

Sakura listened to him speak in a clear voice that rang all throughout the gathering. She watched as he spoke with firmness about what Konoha needed right now.

It was faith in one another that would help them move forward. It was in honoring your comrades, and remembering the sacrifices of those who had fallen. Like what Naruto had said on the battlefield, genuine comrades were not the ones created in dreams, for it was like replacing the real ones. The wound that everyone must bear, civilian or shinobi, they must keep the memories alive in their hearts, pass down those memories to posterity. No one must ever forget the hardships, labor and love that everyone had contributed.

Even Kakashi was moved by the words he said, although it did not evoked this strong of a reaction from him when he first read his speech.

He listened as the crowd cheered him on. He gave one small smile for their benefit and stepped away from the platform. At this point the Feudal Lord formally gave his blessing and the roars of cheer went wilder.

Sakura watched by the curtains, a sad smile on her lips. She felt terrible for all those who had lost a comrade or a family member during the war.

But Naruto was right.

Losing a loved one may be considered a curse, especially if the reality of life was that you could not protect your friends all the time.

But their hopes, their dreams, their memories.

They would all be kept inside their hearts.

xxx

I don't know why my fic just keeps on getting sadder and sadder. Probably because of the manga. It's just freaking heartbreaking, ya know?

About Kakashi's speech, the gist of it just came from the latest chapter from the manga which was released today. Shippuden's latest episode, episode 296 also came out today.

Neat stuff.


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